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A plea to retain Biblical Truth and convictions, in the midst of relational upheaval.


In support of "Gay Lovers"

Gay Lovers” is not a reference to two gay people in love. “Gay Lovers” is about people who love a person who is now gay, are troubled about how to handle their relationship, nevertheless who desire to protect that loving relationship.

** Regarding the issue of LGBTQ+, for Christians who are caught in a conflict of interests, rather than erasing your theological convictions, I’d like to offer this.


FIRST:

Whatever you believe relationally, Biblically, doctrinally – hold on to that, until Biblically, you are convinced otherwise. Don’t allow experiences, relationships or circumstances to cause you to waver on the most important areas of your faith… Truth.


SECONDLY:

Resolve to fight for the relationships that mean most to you. Don’t allow anger or fear, rejection or pain, confusion or the culture to cause you to reject your loved one, nor waver in your deepest convictions. Experiences don’t change convictions, they merely provide opportunities to drift. Relationships need not change convictions. Convictions need not destroy our most important relationships.


THIRDLY:

When relational strife occurs, attempt to put yourself in the other person’s shoes; try to view the situation from their perspective. Try to view the issue and situation from the perspective of the person who genuinely has a problem with this particular topic. Why do they view it this way? Are they just trying to be hateful and unloving? Now try to put yourself in the shoes of the person who has beliefs or a lifestyle that you feel is wrong or harmful. Find out why he/she believe the way they do. Find out why they may have “diverted” from the way they used to believe and life.


FOURTHLY:

Whichever side of this issue you are on, take the initiative to approach those with whom you disagree and perhaps conflict, and express your feelings to them. “I want you to know, you mean more to me than any issue that could ever divide us.” “I would like to ask you to try to help me understand, one more time, what you are feeling and what you believe.” “More than anything, I want to be able to understand where you are coming from and what you are feeling and/or experiencing.” “Though we believe differently on this, I want to work this out. Our relationship is so valuable to me, that it is worth fighting to keep.” “I would just like you to know how I feel and why.” “Help me to know how I can demonstrate my love and appreciation to you, without letting go of what I truly believe.”

FIFTHLY:

As a Christian who loves a gay person, the words you say may never be taken back. They can never be unsaid. Though you may disagree vehemently with your loved one's gay relationship; doing what you can to keep the relationship from being destroyed may present an open door of honest and cool headed communication down the road.

In Luke chapter 15, the prodigal son has considered his father as good as dead, squandered what appears to be his entire inheritance and literally wallowed in the worst of sins. And yet in v.17, Jesus tells us that the prodigal son eventually came to his senses. And at that moment the son said to himself: "I will return to my Father...". So far this story hasn't shed much light on the hurt or perspective of the Father. But what is crystal clear, is that after all that happened, the son knew where he could go..... "to my Father"(15:18).

"I will arise and go to my father... and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.'" -Luke 15:18 (ESV)

Whatever happened, whatever words were exchanged, whatever emotions were displayed, the son knew his dad loved him and would welcome him back home. This indicates to me, just how important it is, to be cautious how we communicate our disapproval or even disdain over what another person close to us, believes or does. If your relationship is genuine, we need to monitor our attitude, control or emotions and choose our words very, very carefully.

As a gay person, who is loved by a Christian who disagrees with your gay relationship, do all you can to keep your cool and help the other person to understand the situation. Do your best to be patient and allow the other party, time to take it all in, sort it all out and come to a more receptive perspective. It is important to understand, whether right or wrong, that this can potentially be a shock-and-awe kind of dynamic for any relationship, especially if this is discovered or revealed without much forewarning. Choosing one’s words carefully while monitoring one’s emotions can help avoid expressions or statements that may further damage the relationship beyond any hope of recovery.

Though you may be hurt and angered that you are not understood - you may need to remove yourself from the situation temporarily, but giving someone the silent treatment may convey the same rejection toward them, as you may be feeling they are expressing toward you.


SIXTHLY:

Think seriously about ways to demonstrate your love and acceptance for the other person, without compromising your deepest convictions or feelings on this topic. Cards or notes expressing appreciation may be helpful. Small gifts, appropriate to the kind of relationship will convey value and interest, without condoning whatever it is you feel is inappropriate in their life. Attending events which are important to the other party may be a silent means of expressing significant worth. Going silent and avoiding the other person, may be a result of confusion and genuine personal distress, however it may likely conv


ey great disappointment and rejection toward the other party. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to communicate that “I really don’t know how to handle this situation. I’m in new territory here and I just ask that you be patient with me as we work through this together.”


SEVENTHLY:

Consider praying for the person with whom you are conflicted. Attempt to treat the other person as you would want them to treat you. Expressing honesty, should communicate a genuine heart to work through this situation, though it may not necessarily be received. Fighting for the relationship, should communicate that the other person is valued, though may not necessarily be understood.


* This post is intended to provide support for “Gay Lovers”, or those Christians who love someone who may be gay, yet don’t know how to deal with the relationship. This is NOT taken from an “authoritative” perspective on how to deal with a loved one who is gay, but simply from concepts and relationship principles that apply across the board in any challenging relationship context.

For many free Christian Life resources, log onto: www.ChristEFCA.org



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